Welcome to a collective of my thoughts, ramblings, writings, musings, and whatever-the-hell else I feel like broadcasting into the vastness of the world wide web.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex

SEXUALITY. It's something oft discussed by me, specifically when I get drunk, or when people start talking about orientations both homo and hetero. You see my friends, I don't believe in 'straight' and neither do I believe in 'gay'. Not in the way you don't believe in say, unicorns or the Bible or whatever, but in the way the words are defined. It's always seemed to me that sexuality is a sliding scale from individual to individual, and the reason this isn't widely accepted or talked about comes from people not wanting to admit that they are anything but one hundred percent straight or gay (usually the straight ones). It's easiest to explain if you drag out the ol' 1-10 scale.

We'll go ahead and make 1 the baseline for heterosexuality. You are a 1 if you have never had even the slightest childhood inclination towards a member of the same sex. You are emotionally and sexually turned off by the sight or thought of any sort of intimate interaction with the same sex. You are a shining pinnacle of heterosexuality, always have been, and always will be. Most males you explain this to will inevitably try and immediately establish their position as a 1, and most of them would probably be at least a number or two low. Now we have 10. At a 10 you were gay at birth, born in a shower of glitter and sparkles, coming into this world at the same time you came out, proud as hell. Pretty much take the stipulations laid out for being a 1, reverse them completely, apply, and you have your 10's.

Where most people go wrong is not admitting to the existence of the other 8 numbers, ironic because whether you admit it or not, it's probably where you belong. We are human beings, we are extremely sexual in nature, and for most people that sexuality does not apply solely to one single sex, all the time, every second of every day. Be it a fantasy, a dream, your daily life, or a drunken moment, nearly everyone has had some sort of same sex experience (or opposite sex for those on the other side of the fence). The shitty thing is the stigma that still hangs over such things. I'm not going to use this (right now) as a platform for homosexual rights and acceptance, but I think it's time we all quit being embarrassed about who we are, what we think, and what we do in our own homes and most importantly in our own heads. We need to start by breaking down this wall of it being socially acceptable and even encouraged (usually by men) for women to experiment with each other while no one questions that ultimately they are 'straight'. It's a dirty double standard that we continue to perpetuate. Men constantly talk up and encourage this behavior among women, but would be ever so quick to pull out 'fag' or 'queer' or at the least get visibly uncomfortable if the same situation arose with two men instead. Even women who are professed bisexuals, that is still unfortunately often easier to deal with then being an experimental or bisexual man, because of the still ongoing prejudices, irrational fears, and mixed feelings about gay men. I also don't mean to belittle or disparage any and all homophobic vitriol that gets aimed at lesbians and female bisexuals at all, I mean only that it's often less widely acceptable and understood from a man to man point of view, be that right or wrong. I think that's stupid and ignorant. I'll be the first to admit that I've had a physical encounter with a member of the same sex. I'd also be the first to point out that I'm not gay, I'm not even bisexual. I love women, top to bottom, every inch of them. I don't feel that way about men, but I'm not necessarily turned off by them either. I'm able to appreciate a good looking guy just like I'd appreciate a good looking girl, I'm just 99% of the time not at all attracted to the guy in the same way I would be the girl. That puts me somewhere around a 3 probably, a place where I can appreciate the aesthetic appeal of somebody of the same sex, where if the inhibitions were low, the alcohol was flowing, the situation was perfect and everybody was on the same page, it could go further. It probably won't, but who am I to rule out that possibility. That would just be robbing myself of a potentially good time.

So I guess the general point I'm trying to make here is that people need to be more open and honest about themselves and their sexuality. I'm not saying you have to open yourself up to the same sex/opposite sex depending on your orientation, but only that we start to acknowledge that sexuality, like much else in life, is rarely a black or white issue. There is plenty of room for grey, and whether or not you can admit it to yourself, grey is probably the world you wake up in every day. Everyday I wake up hoping for a world where sexual orientation is not how you are defined, where there isn't anything that you should feel embarrassed or ashamed of. Where we just enjoy being people and humans and sexual beings in any way shape or form we feel is right for us. Obvious exceptions being made for child molestation, bestiality, necrophilia, ect ect. The kind of shit that not just the straights or the gays but evvvvvverybody knows is fucked up. In the meantime, lets just try and be who we are, lets come to terms with the fact that we probably aren't 1's and 10's, but somewhere in between, and that's ok. You don't have to talk about it, or announce it, or write long blog entries about it, but admit at least to yourself that it probably isn't a cut and dried matter, that you are or have the potential to be a much more sexually open being then you know or admit. I promise you it's freeing and liberating to be able to say to people that you have no sexual prejudices or hang-ups, that you are just you, unique and comfortable in your own skin. Straight people, embrace that 2-4 spread, it's ok, you can still be a heterosexual in life and in your actions, gay people I don't have to say this to as much, but some of you are as set in your ways and scared of compromise as much as us. For those of you that aren't already, jump into those 7-9 spots, you can still rock a rainbow tee and raise that fist in pride, but come on, throw back a few drinks and you aren't hitting on your straight friends girl? Just a little bit in good fun? I've seeeeeeeeen it. Being in the grey doesn't mean you can't be a hetero or a homo. You can, it's absolutely true that most people have a distinct predilection towards one sex above the other, but I think you sell yourself short when you completely shut down and ignore a part of you no matter how small, that's just a little bit different.

I have the balls to post this here in an open forum for anybody and everybody to read. All you need to do is find your own number, admit it to yourself, and be okay with it. Good luck.


  1. 'we putty our numbers in the Parallaxe Realm.'

    & as general personal policy, i avoid the use 1-10 scales anyway. but i like this post. i certainly believe in the grey as well, though probably in a sort of different way. i really don't know what i think, actually. casually trying to figure that out but i haven't spent much time with it yet.

    i have a book recommendation for you, somewhat on topic. but i'll wait until you've thoroughly devoured the last book i recommended :]

    (hope things are well with you.)

  2. 1-10 just works as a general template. I'm sure there are other more effusive ways to describe it. And as confusing as your response is on how you feel about what I wrote, that is perfection. I'm glad you don't know what to think, and I hope you spend time thinking about it. I always appreciate your thoughts.

    I am amidst the pages now, will let you know when I've finished.

  3. I really enjoyed your post. The number system you use as your example it clear and to the point. Especially when you are talking about the other 8 numbers involved. There are plenty of people who live in the grey but are afraid to admit it to themselves. Thanks for opening yourself up to the world. I know you feel the better for it.

    Just to let you know where I lay on your system it would be a 10. But when I do get a few drinks in me and I may hit on the girls. Just don't let a good looking guy walk by who plays on my team. =P

    Hope all is well..... Much love from SD.

  4. FlipSide; Do I know you? You're from SD so if I do you're either family/friend or somebody I want dead. I'm assuming family/friend, correct me if I'm wrong. Thanks for the positive feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed the read. Also, you may claim a 10 but flirting with the ladies from time to time drops you down into a 9 or below in my book. Something to think about. Thanks for reading and for the opinions, keep it up!

  5. To answer your question.. correct, family.

    As for me being a 10 (in my book) is because flirting for me will never lead me to any type of sexual act with a woman not even making out. It's all in good fun for me because I know I can do it. Plus the ladies love to be flirted and played with by a guy they know nothing will come of it. When it's all said and done it's def. a man who I will go home with.

  6. All valid points, however I'd posit that a 10 would be uncomfortable in the very least at the idea nonetheless the act of flirting with a member of the opposite sex. The same way a 1 would never in a million years give thought or creedence to flirting with a member of the same sex. It's just not something they would be capable of. 1's don't have to be homophobic and 10's don't have to be heterophobic, but with that extreme of a characterization I don't see 1's or 10's even being able to harmlessly flirt with the corresponding opposite/same sex. Even if nothing will ever come of it, and you will always go home with a man, the ability to flirt and have fun with it, at the very least be ok with it, that sounds like a 9 to me.

    I'm not here to challenge anyone's personally selected number. That's all your business and prerogative. Just providing lively discussion. Plus I know you can take it sir.

  7. Valid point. And I know you aren't trying to argue with me by challenging my personal oppinion of myself and where I stand on your scale. I see your point and will accept the 9. /bow