I feel so small, in a really big fuckin world. I used to feel like I had my own little universe, somewhere I was comfortable and content if not happy. Now the line is severed and I float adrift, nothing really tying me to any particular job, town, adventure. I come and go as I please, but I don't feel free, more lost. Lost is some people's free I guess, although its also a variation on trapped in a maze, strapped down and forced to stare at this riddle for the rest of your life and half the time I swear it makes no fuckin sense. I don't want to be on some goddamned assembly line, just sliding along, bouncing up and down like I've got puppet strings attached to my destiny and I don't believe I trust the puppeteer. Or that there even is one. I don't believe in many things these anymore, harshness of reality, disillusionment of principles, all those cliches lined up in a row, give me a chance I bet I can hit every single one.
Ok here's something thats not bullshit metaphors and whining. Things to do.
1) Figure out what makes me happy, figure out how to make money doing this, do this.
2) Get more tattoos. This is already proven to make me happy.
3) Keep saving money. Money is good, I have some, I'd like to have more.
4) Go after whatever I want, and fuck the obstacles, the haters, the fear of failure. Be all nike and shit.
5) Fly more helicopters. This seems to be something that could both make me happy and make me money. That's a two-fer.
6) Keep writing. Even if its silly shit like this blog, and even if its just me who reads it. Its good for me dammit, and sometimes I'm good for it. I don't see myself pursuing it as a monetary draw, but its a good hobby, and I've already been working on it for oh, 20 years.
7) Smile you sonofabitch! For all the shortcomings that may be in your life, you have it pretty damn good. Enjoy that.
Cheers. Here's to all the things to come, whatever they may be.
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