Isn't it weird how things can reverse on you? A situation completely and utterly polarized can be a jarring and unnerving ordeal, which is strange in itself because you've been on the opposite side, its like inverted deja vu. You've seen the way it went the first time, you know the reactions and the responses and yet you still can't help yourself from going through the motions. At some point you have to try something new, even try nothing at all, but quit walking down the same old dirty beaten broke ass path, you've been here before and it isn't going to lead anywhere new this time.
People are strange and complicated and unpredictable things, and no matter what you think you know there will always be somebody standing in front of you smiling through their deceit. Accepting that you can't change people is the summit of understanding. The people you know, your friends, your family, you yourself, are who you are and always will be. There are layers to everything, but deep down, maybe not even so deep, we're all the same. We all want to love, laugh, fuck, feel, experience, succeed. We are all visceral emotion and twisting contradictions, just moving throughout the day trying to keep it all in check without exploding. We all need somebody to connect to, somebody who operates on that same wavelength as us, somebody who can keep you tethered and sane, and you for them. Thats a true partnership, those that have it are lucky and those that don't, keep looking.
I like to keep in control of things. I don't like situations being flipped on me, I don't like being out of my element. Technically I'm not though, and at this point, with the amount of things I've been through, I could just relive everything in reverse and never have a new experience. Fuck that obviously, I'm off the path, gone from the map, and I'm making my own destiny. The elements can be damned, I'll live where I want and be where I want and do whatever with whomever I want. The beauty of choice, of being young and free of wires and puppet strings.